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Telling Kids About Divorce | New Rochelle Family Law

Katherine Miller | 315 Views | 11/11/2015

Is it necessary to tell your kids the whole truth about your divorce?

Imagine a situation where you’re somewhere with your kids. Your phone rings and it’s your husband’s girlfriend or your wife’s boyfriend’s wife and you learn that your spouse, who you previously thought was a wonderful spouse, you previously thought you had an idealic fairy book marriage. Maybe you had some rough spots but they were workable.

You now learn that that relationship has been a lie. You learn that your spouse has had a series of extramarital affairs from the very beginning and your marriage is over. Now your children are in pain. They’re not only pain but they’re angry. They’re angry at you and they’re angry at your husband or wife, and you don’t want them to be angry at you for something that wasn’t your fault and you want them to know that the marriage is over because of the fault of the other person. Imagine what that does for them though.

Tell Your Children The Truth

It is important to tell your children the truth about your marriage and the truth about your divorce. It’s important for them to hear an authentic story for you. But remember that your children are half you and they’re half your husband or wife. They are made up of good and bad parts of both of you, and to the extent they hear you wailing at, or angry at, or denegrate pieces of their other parent, they’re going to feel bad about themselves. They’re going to wonder about their own selves – their own goodness – and you want your children to feel good about themselves, especially when they’re going through a divorce.

So to the extent you can fashion a story that feels authentic enough for you to tell them, authentic enough to feel that it’s really your story but falls short of being overly critical and damaging the relationship that they have with both of their parents so that both of their parents can go forward supporting the and being wonderful parents for them, that’s probably the place of truth you want to be.
This is Katherine Miller. Thanks for watching Your Tangos Quickies. Connect with me at yourtango.com/expert/katherine_miller. I’d like to help you negotiate a good divorce. Visit me online at kem-law.com.

By: Katherine Miller

Telling Kids About Divorce | New Rochelle Family Law

Is it necessary to tell your kids the whole truth about your divorce?

Imagine a situation where you’re somewhere with your kids. Your phone rings and it’s your husband’s girlfriend or your wife’s boyfriend’s wife and you learn that your spouse, who you previously thought was a wonderful spouse, you previously thought you had an idealic fairy book marriage. Maybe you had some rough spots but they were workable.

You now learn that that relationship has been a lie. You learn that your spouse has had a series of extramarital affairs from the very beginning and your marriage is over. Now your children are in pain. They’re not only pain but they’re angry. They’re angry at you and they’re angry at your husband or wife, and you don’t want them to be angry at you for something that wasn’t your fault and you want them to know that the marriage is over because of the fault of the other person. Imagine what that does for them though.

Tell Your Children The Truth

It is important to tell your children the truth about your marriage and the truth about your divorce. It’s important for them to hear an authentic story for you. But remember that your children are half you and they’re half your husband or wife. They are made up of good and bad parts of both of you, and to the extent they hear you wailing at, or angry at, or denegrate pieces of their other parent, they’re going to feel bad about themselves. They’re going to wonder about their own selves – their own goodness – and you want your children to feel good about themselves, especially when they’re going through a divorce.

So to the extent you can fashion a story that feels authentic enough for you to tell them, authentic enough to feel that it’s really your story but falls short of being overly critical and damaging the relationship that they have with both of their parents so that both of their parents can go forward supporting the and being wonderful parents for them, that’s probably the place of truth you want to be.
This is Katherine Miller. Thanks for watching Your Tangos Quickies. Connect with me at yourtango.com/expert/katherine_miller. I’d like to help you negotiate a good divorce. Visit me online at kem-law.com.

By: Katherine Miller