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The Collaborative Divorce Process | North Carolina

Kerry Burleigh | 308 Views | 03/11/2015

Hi, I’m Mark Springfield, founder and partner in Springfield Collaborative Divorce. Hi, I’m Doctor Brian Mackey, a child psychologist and I’m the voice of your child in this process. Hi, I’m Kerry Burleigh, Law partner at Springfield Collaborative Divorce.

A common question I get from folks thinking about the agonizing decision to separate and divorce is this, I’d really like to use the collaborative method and avoid the court process. But I just don’t think my spouse can be collaborative. Can I really avoid the drama? My answer is typically yes. There’s not an expectation that couples themselves, particularly at the initial stages of divorce will be collaborative. This reveals a common misunderstanding about who can benefit from collaborative law and what collaborative law means. Collaborative law started about 20 years ago when a Minnesota divorce lawyer named Stew Webb became exasperated with what his divorce practice and the court system were doing to families. He brought together a small group of lawyers who agreed that they would make a contract with their clients to help them negotiate a good agreement and keep them out of court.

These lawyers agreed that they would help their clients problem solve, instead of engage in adversarial negotiations, and that other specialist like child psychologists, and financial planners would be used differently and more effectively to help families make a healthy transition. So in reality it’s not so much that couples must be collaborative, it’s really about how the attorneys behave. At Springfield Collaborative Divorce there’s a clear expectation that the attorney’s using the collaborative method will help to reduce and not make worse the drama so often associated with divorce. You might be wondering what we mean when we say, “Divorce without drama.” Clearly there’s a lot of emotion involved in divorce and separation. When we say, “Divorce without drama” we don’t mean that there aren’t difficult legal, financial and emotions decisions to make. What we do mean is that in a collaborative divorce we, as attorneys operate in a manner that does not add to or escalate the drama.

For example, an attorney in a adversarial process might advise a client whose requesting advice to withdraw all the money from joint accounts, change the locks on the door, or perhaps limit or withhold access to the children. This kind of advice is what adds to the drama of an already difficult and scary situation, and can make reaching a resolution even more problematic than it was to begin with. In contrast, when people are using a collaborative method they agree not to take any preemptive actions which would sabotage the other person. With protections of collaborative method separating spouses are not reduced to destructively tearing apart their own lives, depleting financial and emotional resources.

By choosing the collaborative method our clients can begin building their new lives right away and with less drama.  As a mental health professional, I’ve spent the better part of my career helping to repair the damage and mistrust caused when drama overtakes a family going through a divorce. To well established that the intense stress, confusion, and conflict often present in methods of traditional divorce can have a substantial impact on children’s short and long term mental health. The collaborative method, our method offers an alternative to this path for your children. In this method, parents who are the people who know and understand their children best make all of the decisions for their children’s future, rather than lawyers, judges or custody evaluators.

In our process your team of professionals are specifically trained and motivated to act in the best interest of your entire family, especially your children. Your team is here to help you problem solve, freeing up more of your time and energy to focus on your children. What I see in our method of divorce are parents who feel more confident and empowered. We teach the skills necessary to have difficult conversations and to advocate for your needs, while listening to those of your spouse. These parents make outstanding role models for their children when it comes to handling conflict and family tension. The skills they learn help their relationship with their co-parent and their child for life. Without the drama so often typical of traditional divorce methods, our method gives the families we work with the very best opportunity for a healthy, happy future in two households.

In the 20 years since Stu Webb coined the term, “Collaborative Law” thousands and thousands of divorce lawyers across the country have taken collaborative law trainings, and thousands and thousands of collaborative cases have been successfully resolved. In North Carolina the State Legislator passed a law in 2003 codifying collaborative law and making it part of the family law statues.

Unfortunately, there are many lawyers who say they offer collaborative law services in North Carolina even though they have traditional court oriented law firms. Even though they seldom actually have cases in which they follow the statues that govern the collaborative method, divorce without drama is a lofty goal. But it’s a goal we take very seriously at Springfield Collaborative Divorce. We only accept cases in which the couple has decided to proceed using the collaborative method.  Mark and I both made the choice to only accept cases using the collaborative method because we are convinced that this method is the best way to help our clients make the difficult transition of divorce. We have experienced representing people in hundreds of collaborative cases.

Even in emotionally charged cases, we navigate the legal pitfalls and emotional hurdles common in divorce. We are passionate about this approach to reaching a divorce settlement. It encourages cooperation instead of confrontation and it creates an environment where a couple can divorce with dignity and display respect, integrity and kindness toward each other.

By: Kerry Burleigh

The Collaborative Divorce Process | North Carolina

Hi, I’m Mark Springfield, founder and partner in Springfield Collaborative Divorce. Hi, I’m Doctor Brian Mackey, a child psychologist and I’m the voice of your child in this process. Hi, I’m Kerry Burleigh, Law partner at Springfield Collaborative Divorce.

A common question I get from folks thinking about the agonizing decision to separate and divorce is this, I’d really like to use the collaborative method and avoid the court process. But I just don’t think my spouse can be collaborative. Can I really avoid the drama? My answer is typically yes. There’s not an expectation that couples themselves, particularly at the initial stages of divorce will be collaborative. This reveals a common misunderstanding about who can benefit from collaborative law and what collaborative law means. Collaborative law started about 20 years ago when a Minnesota divorce lawyer named Stew Webb became exasperated with what his divorce practice and the court system were doing to families. He brought together a small group of lawyers who agreed that they would make a contract with their clients to help them negotiate a good agreement and keep them out of court.

These lawyers agreed that they would help their clients problem solve, instead of engage in adversarial negotiations, and that other specialist like child psychologists, and financial planners would be used differently and more effectively to help families make a healthy transition. So in reality it’s not so much that couples must be collaborative, it’s really about how the attorneys behave. At Springfield Collaborative Divorce there’s a clear expectation that the attorney’s using the collaborative method will help to reduce and not make worse the drama so often associated with divorce. You might be wondering what we mean when we say, “Divorce without drama.” Clearly there’s a lot of emotion involved in divorce and separation. When we say, “Divorce without drama” we don’t mean that there aren’t difficult legal, financial and emotions decisions to make. What we do mean is that in a collaborative divorce we, as attorneys operate in a manner that does not add to or escalate the drama.

For example, an attorney in a adversarial process might advise a client whose requesting advice to withdraw all the money from joint accounts, change the locks on the door, or perhaps limit or withhold access to the children. This kind of advice is what adds to the drama of an already difficult and scary situation, and can make reaching a resolution even more problematic than it was to begin with. In contrast, when people are using a collaborative method they agree not to take any preemptive actions which would sabotage the other person. With protections of collaborative method separating spouses are not reduced to destructively tearing apart their own lives, depleting financial and emotional resources.

By choosing the collaborative method our clients can begin building their new lives right away and with less drama.  As a mental health professional, I’ve spent the better part of my career helping to repair the damage and mistrust caused when drama overtakes a family going through a divorce. To well established that the intense stress, confusion, and conflict often present in methods of traditional divorce can have a substantial impact on children’s short and long term mental health. The collaborative method, our method offers an alternative to this path for your children. In this method, parents who are the people who know and understand their children best make all of the decisions for their children’s future, rather than lawyers, judges or custody evaluators.

In our process your team of professionals are specifically trained and motivated to act in the best interest of your entire family, especially your children. Your team is here to help you problem solve, freeing up more of your time and energy to focus on your children. What I see in our method of divorce are parents who feel more confident and empowered. We teach the skills necessary to have difficult conversations and to advocate for your needs, while listening to those of your spouse. These parents make outstanding role models for their children when it comes to handling conflict and family tension. The skills they learn help their relationship with their co-parent and their child for life. Without the drama so often typical of traditional divorce methods, our method gives the families we work with the very best opportunity for a healthy, happy future in two households.

In the 20 years since Stu Webb coined the term, “Collaborative Law” thousands and thousands of divorce lawyers across the country have taken collaborative law trainings, and thousands and thousands of collaborative cases have been successfully resolved. In North Carolina the State Legislator passed a law in 2003 codifying collaborative law and making it part of the family law statues.

Unfortunately, there are many lawyers who say they offer collaborative law services in North Carolina even though they have traditional court oriented law firms. Even though they seldom actually have cases in which they follow the statues that govern the collaborative method, divorce without drama is a lofty goal. But it’s a goal we take very seriously at Springfield Collaborative Divorce. We only accept cases in which the couple has decided to proceed using the collaborative method.  Mark and I both made the choice to only accept cases using the collaborative method because we are convinced that this method is the best way to help our clients make the difficult transition of divorce. We have experienced representing people in hundreds of collaborative cases.

Even in emotionally charged cases, we navigate the legal pitfalls and emotional hurdles common in divorce. We are passionate about this approach to reaching a divorce settlement. It encourages cooperation instead of confrontation and it creates an environment where a couple can divorce with dignity and display respect, integrity and kindness toward each other.

By: Kerry Burleigh